Sunday, July 1, 2007

It's Hindi! / The Emperor Has No Clones

The language is Hindi. Now it's not even messing up anymore. I wanted the title to be in Hindi. I was getting closer and closer. First it was, Thai, then Swahili. Now it's confirmed. Hindi. I felt so exotic for a little bit, and then my crushing whiteness made me start thinking about lawns and minivans again. Whew!No but seriously folks. Today's Wage Peace Campaign seeks to step on the toes of the evil old government. I'm envisioning a two pronged strategy.1. Be Saddam For A DayExperience all the trappings of a world class dictator, courtesy of the US military! Live in the lap of depraved luxury, whip effigies of your staff, experience the thrill of executing unruly cabinet members! The Saddam Experience is open to every Iraqi citizen absolutely free. Enjoy the palaces, the riches built upon your sweating, breaking backs and the knowledge that your occupiers understand that no freedom is truly free.Total cost: $204.15 per person. $1,000 includes a fedora, a long gun and a chance to stand on a palace balcony looking like a total loon.2. Hussein Look-a-Like Pageant.Right now there are about a couple hundred Saddam body doubles that are trying to find work and dodging gung-ho privates trying to "bag the big one". One body double says:"I shaved my mustache, I even got a new hat and sunglasses. No one wants to hire me. They say I'm bad for business."I mean, c'mon, how the fuck do you find work when your only reference WAS absolutely crazy and now IS dead. Last place of business? A hole in Tikrit. Teach all the body doubles how to break dance. I'm not sure if this will actually bring around peace in the Mid East but it will surely lighten the mood for everyone. Sunni, Shia, American, we can all revel in the glory of the dance.Total cost: $5 for a good mix tape. With the right break dancing mix tape anyone can learn to do the break dancing thing.SEND ALL YOUR FUCKING BRIGHT IDEAS TO THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON SADDAM-B-BOYS VIA EMAIL: wagepeacetoday@gmail.com